29.9.098:16 PM
One last break b4 As~~~
Prelim is finally over, just had a 2-hour sleep in the afternoon, it is a luxury for me at this point of time~~~ hahahaha~~~ However, I am still in the state of half awake~~~LOL!!!
The real battle will start tml, it will not be a good start cos I am going to get back my GP~~~ Ahhhh!!!!! But nvm, no pain no gain mah!!! Jia you!!!!=)))
Btw, went for medical check up today, how should I say, I almost fainted there lah~~~
Basically, I wanted to noe whether my stomach got any problems or not, cos I dun feel like eating during the exam period. This was nth big, but the doctor suggested me to do like more than 6 blood testings lah, even including kidney functions, liver functions etc??? And the doctor keep showing off his chinese and talk non sense to me instead of asking wad is wrong with me!!!!
I asked the doctor, only need to draw the blood once right? He said yes and he took out 3 test tubes and 1 ultra big syringe, I was shocked, scared and amazed, but alr agree to do the blood tests, just let the doctor draw blood from me lor, I just close one eye lah. Who noes it was more amazing after tt. I could feel the needle being injected into my arm, the pain was ok if I dun face it. I was waiting and waiting for the doctor to get it done, but it took very long for him to finish, so I turned around to see how was the progress.
Guess wad I saw, the doctor pulled the syringe all the way to the end alr, but there was only 1/3 volume of blood and a lot of bubbles. And wad happened next make me want to faint. The doctor pushed and then pulled the syringe one more time to draw more blood, but it did not work. I was shocked. Did he try to kill me by injecting air into my vein???!!!
Finally the needle was removed and I felt relieved. Well , I was wrong. The doctor transfer 2/3 of the blood to one of the test tube and the rest to another one. He said tt the blood was not enough, need to draw one more time. I had a strong feeling of being cheated.
Luckily, the doctor finally give up, he directed me to another female doctor. I looked calmed but was celebrating inside, ahhahahaha!!! The female doctor checked my blood pressure, heart beats etc. And tt was when I realised I was there for medical check up. But finally still need to draw blood again. The doctor throw away the half filled second test tube and took out a new one. This means she is going to draw blood for two test tubes this time. Ahhh~~~~I really hope I won't faint half way through the drawing of blood lor.
This time was actually quite ok, the syringe was much smaller and the doctor looked much more professional. I turned around again and when I turned back, the doctor was alr done with the blood drawing, there was no bubble in the syringe and the volume was enough for the two test tubes.
The check up was considered as done, and the bill was also amazing but I dun have energy to care abt it alr, still pity the 2 syringe of blood tt I have lost. Went to eat red bean dessert immediately after tt, hope i can produce enough blood cells to replace the blood lost bah. 5555~~~=(((
Shall off to sleep alr, very tired~~~
25.9.092:34 PM
Some thoughts~~~
I cannot help thinking abt a lot of things when I was mugging recently, maybe tt is why my mugging sections are not very effective.
Dun noe y, a lot of little things can make me think a lot!
Mum was telling a news she read recently. A girl from XX university commit suicide because she realise tt life is meaningless. Mum was saying tt this was so absurd, how come all the young ppl have this kind of mentality.
I did not say anything, but inside me, there are a lot of voices. Was studying Existentialism in chinese lit recently, I was highly convinced by the ideology. It is true in some sense tt life is meaningless cos there will not have any form of evidence of our existence after we died.
Life is full of estrangment, cos no one can really understand us as they are not us. Life is also full of nothingness and anxiety, and tt is the feeling when estrangment come into our life. In conclusion, life is full of absurdity. Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance.
These theories are logical and they make sense, but tt does not mean we can just give up our lives. Yes our existence is meaningless cos ultimately we will become ash and diappeared in the world. However, living is not just abt ourselves, it is more of a form of responsibility to the ppl we love and the ppl love us. Tt is y i dun believe tt living for ourselves can make us enjoy life more. When we were young, we study hard in order to persue our own dreams. When we grow up, we work hard cos tt is sth we find meaningful or interesting. But have we ever think abt wad gives us the motivation? It is not our dreams or the works, it is the responsibility inside ourselves tt motivate us and enable us to survive any difficult situations. We study hard, cos we dun want to upset our parents and we work hard, cos we want to give the next generation the best. They are the ppl we love and love us, so it is a kind of responsibility to continue living for them.
These philosophical thinkings are recondite, but wad confuse me most is religious staff. The Existentialism thinks tt there isn't any almighty powers in this world, but i deeply believe tt there is sth higher than human. I am not really a free thinker but I dun really have a religion. I know the ideology of more than 2 religions as a form of knowledge and sometimes just cannot help believing in them, so there are more than 2 religion ideologies inside my mind and I keep thinking abt them. There are definitely similarities of them and there are also differences, and tt is time I am confused. I am not thinking abt which one is correct which one is wrong, but I am thinking why there are such differences.
Tt are just some random thoughts of mine. I noe I should not think too much at this pt of time, but sometimes my mind is just out of control. Maybe we dun need an absolute answer for everything so there is no need to think too much bah~~~~~~
Study hard and pls CONCENTRATE!!!!
6.9.095:40 PM
My 19th, in the midst of mugging~~~
The post is just for future reference~~~
This is how I look like when I am 19~~~ a full time mugger~~~

And this is my life when I am 19~~~totally no life~~~
Things to be taken by my brain b4 As~~~

Being shocked by the amount of work everyday~~~

And feel like mental blocked everytime I see these~~~
Sometimes, I just wanna surrender my soul~~~
And sometimes, I just died the half way~~~
Then SCREAM~~~
Then, I am in a deep thought and self reflection~~~
At last, MUG MUG MUG!!!!!!! Ahhhh~~~~~~~~~
Nevertheless, thank you, my dear friends for ur birthday wishes! We must jia you together ho!!! =)))
A few more months left!!! Ah jia ah jia fighting!!! Chiong ah!!!!!!!XDDD
As usual, song of the day, for myself!=)
☆祝我生日快乐☆
温岚
我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难像切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点
生日快乐我对自己说
蜡烛点了寂寞亮了
生日快乐泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你带一点恨
还要时间才能平衡
热恋伤痕幻灭重生
祝我生日快乐
Ps: I suddenly realise tt 19 th is actually a very important birthday, cos after tt I will not be addressed as teens alr~~~saddd~~~consider as old ppl liao~~~5555~~~~TOT!!!
17.7.098:28 PM
写给自己的话
最近很迷茫, 就这样浑浑噩噩的过了第三学期的好几个礼拜. 头脑一直没有空闲过, 除了学习, 考试, 想得最多的还是关于未来的事......
听了很多有关大学奖学金的讲座, 也了解到很多就业方面的讯息, 越是听的多就越觉得资讯不够, 越是努力的寻找资料就越是想很多, 越是想很多就越是心烦, 不知道该怎样在两个梦想间取舍......
有时我会想, 如果我没有那么贪心, 只是拥有一个梦想, 那就不会像现在这样心烦了. 其实, 我本来也只有一个梦想, 而且是一直以来坚持的梦想, 我一直在为这个梦想努力, 可是现在, 我害怕了, 我害怕我不够好, 害怕实现不了这个梦想, 害怕等到实现了才发现我不适合这个梦想. 于是我有了第二个梦想, 这个梦想貌似是第一个梦想的替代品, 可是实际上不是. 我在追求第一个梦想的路上无意间发现了第二个梦想, 它在我心中的地位远远超过了一个代替品的价值, 成了我另一个想完成的梦.
曾经, 我为拥有两个梦想而感到高兴, 甚至计划了在哪个年龄段实现哪个梦想. 第一个梦想是没有白天黑夜的, 所以我打算在年轻的时候去闯闯, 到时候不管功成名就还是一败涂地都毫不留念的退出, 去继续第二个, 相对来说比较规律和稳定的梦想, 直到年老力衰的时候. 虽然第二个梦想也不轻松, 或许只是换个方式承受压力和劳累, 但是我知道我需要这样的改变, 因为我是一个不会累死但是会闷死的人.
而现在我知道我只能选择其中一个梦想然后以此自终, 心里是郁闷的也是矛盾的, 已经画好的蓝图被打碎, 但仍然贪心的在打听有没有鱼和熊掌兼得的办法.
下午跟老师谈了好一会儿有关以后的事, 又想了许多. 可能现在的我真的需要专一的朝着一个目标前进, 选择一个可以跨向两个梦想的跳板, 然后走一步是一步, 如果有一天不想再继续第一个梦想, 就回到跳板重新开始第二个梦想. 只是这个跳板还需要好好研究......
老师说就算只能实现一个梦想也没有必要烦恼, 因为没有一个人生是完美, 是一切符合你的意愿的. 仔细想想, 其实不然, 社会不是为我而存在, 所以没有必要为了实现我的梦想而去更改一些东西, 但我是为了社会而存在的, 所以我需要为此改变. 而这并不是说我会为了社会而彻底放弃我的梦想, 我会去争取, 就算大部份人都说不可能, 我还是会向着未发表言论的那一小部份人, 直到我真的意识到什么, 然后再带着一丝希望放弃, 或许在以后的一个不经意的机会里, 我可以把那希望再燃烧成当初的梦想.
其实想了这么多却一直没有想到的是酬劳方面的事, 最近在咨询就业方面的事的时候不免有听到很多人问薪酬的多少, 如果是以前那个还在幻想完美人格的我会觉得他们好势力, 竟然以金钱作为选择的条件, 但现在我会觉得他们好成熟, 比我成熟好多, 他们考虑的问题都是很实际的. 我不是一个视金钱为粪土的人, 只是现在我还不想去想那么复杂的问题, 可能我还徘徊在幻想世界和现实世界间那个半生不熟的阶段吧~~
在某种程度上, 我承认我是一个悲观主义者, 幻想主义者加上敏感主义者, 但唯一乐观的是我不会让自己堕落, 总会有那么一点免疫功能可以让快要颓废的我找到一种自我安慰, 然后再表现出充满希望的一面. 虽然知道希望越大失望也越大, 但心里总会存在着一些希望, 不管是对成绩还是其它的种种种种......
但现在我需要提醒自己, 希望是自己给的, 和还没有实现的诺言是一个道理, 你可以选择相信但不能完全相信, 因为没有预料没有防备的幻灭是伤害你最深的.
关于以后就先这样吧, 现在就努力学吧, 不管什么梦想终究还是要靠成绩~~~
24.6.098:35 PM
update~~~
My blog is dead and I am even more dead than my blog~~~~~~
Life for me recently was not tt exciting lah, everyday mugging in the LEP room with a few of others~~~ Playing spider solitaire becomed my only entertainment, maybe plus the part of niaoing Lv Huan or being niaoed by Lv Huan bah!! haha!! She is really very entertaining haha!!! LOL!!~~~Ai~~~sianzzzz!!!
I felt very unprepared for this block test, anyway, isn't it how I felt for every test in JC?!! Ai~~~there are too many things to study lah!!! Ahhh~~~~
Nvm, btw, I was listening to some of 金海星's songs recently, I am not really a fan of her but I had attended a concert of her a few years ago, not her own concert lah, there were still some other singers like 周杰伦, 刘若英,古天乐, 邰正宵. 张镐哲 etc. I dun really noe her very much at tt time, but I can still remember some of the songs she sang. Picked up some of her songs coincidentally, now I have new feelings for her songs! =)))
I like the feeling when the sad lyrics and the not so sad music mix with her sweet but full of sorrowfulness voice. This perfectly matched with the style of <茶馆>, 在黑暗之中给人留下一丝可寻的希望~~~but where is my hope~~555~~~ Emmm, this is totally random, hahaha, too much CLL liao~~~haha~~
Anyway, share this song called 悲伤的秋千, go and listen to the full song, u will get wad i mean!!! It is very nice!!!=))))
Sian, 4 more days to blocks, everyone jia you bah!!!!=DDD
8.6.098:53 PM
mrs foo is crazy but i like her~~~hahahaha~~~><
Had 3 hours of bio today~~~
Well, I must say Mrs Foo is crazy, mad and most importantly IMBA~~~LOL~~~ I was enlightened by her revision lecture today~~~OMG i like her~~~hahahaha~~~woohoo~~~ XDDD
It was the first time tt i did not feel tired and confused after hours of lecture and i actually required for 1 more hour of bio consult with Mr kairul after tt~~~wahahaha~~~crazy lah, anyway i nv say i am NORMAL wad?~~~ muhahahaha~~~~ XDDDD
Through out the 3 hours of lecture today i nv ask for any pills or sweets tt i normally take in during lectures to keep me awake. The concepts of the DNA related topics become very structured and clear after the lecture, I just need to memorise those i havn't memorised can liao~~~ hahahaha~~~ bright future~~~muhahaha!!!!
Finally not feeling sooooooooooooo lost in bio liao ~~~haha~~~ Mrs Foo rocks!!!! HAHAHAHA~~~XDDDD
Btw, Mrs Foo is aiming for 100% A for this year's Bio Alevel for the whole bio cohort...... @_@
And Mr Kairul seems to have the same aim for our class tt is why we had our Bio "A club" remedials last week~~~ XPPPP
Ahhhh~~~I try my best lah~~~ahhhh~~~~ Jia you xiao chun!!! =))))
4.6.096:33 PM
I love H3 make up lesson~~~
Had H3 make up lesson this afternoon, well, it was rather fun as well as funny~~~ muhahahaha!!!
During the 论语 lesson, I was happily arguing with lin lao shi abt the hidden meaning of 孔子's sayings~~~ I was tring to explain one of the sayings with the love stories in 金庸's 雪山飞狐, lin lao shi had no words to me liao, he just stopped me with one line " There is no love concept in Confucianism!!!!" Well, this was powerful enough to keep my mouth shut!!! hahahahaha!!! LOL~~~
Had our pizza treat after the lesson, this lighted up my whole afternoon~~~ woohoo~~~ I love my H3 make up lesson!!!!! <3333
Anyway, I went to cut my fringe today. I just dun like the feeling when my fringe gets long enough to cover my eyes and it irritates me quite a lot when it sticks to my forhead when i am exercising~~~ahhhh~~~ Nvm, now it is ok liao, at least there isn't anything tt blocks mine not so good eyesight. hahahaha!!! But, I am having a post-hair-cut syndrom now, basically, I dun feel like looking at the mirror or anything reflective~~~hahahaha~~
2.6.097:52 PM
crazy crazy crazy~~~
Today is such a horrible day, had 2 hours(9-11) of bio in the morning and 5 hours(1-6) of CLL in the afternoon~~~
A lot of cll ppl from other classes could not take it half way through the lecture, but my class was imba de lor, we kept arguing with teachers and got more and more high through the lecture~~~LOL~~ When everybody had no energy to make any noise, zhou jing, yang lu and me were still laughing out loudly and made fun of each other~~~hahahaha!!!
On the way to the bus stop, we were kept singing Jolin's 妥协, and we modified the lyrics in our own forms, such as 拖鞋,脱鞋 etc...... Dun noe why, recently we kept singing this song and everytime we changed the lyrics according to our modes, LOL~~ crazy lor~~
While we were singing and walking at the same time, Zhou Jing suddenly shouted "Aiya, must well go Kbox and sing lah!" Me and yang lu were like "NOW?!!!" LOL~~~ Crazy lah, this period of time would be very ex leh. By taking in consideration of our current economic states, we controlled our urge of going Kbox~~~
If no such external facors, I guess 3 of us would be in KBOX NOW~~~ muhahahaha~~~
I still dame High now, hoho~~~ Jump jump jump around~~~~ muhahahaha~~~XDDDD
1.6.0911:06 PM
harmoc concert~~~
Went to watch harmoc concert today~~~
It was quite nice, the songs they choose were all quite familiar to me, a handful of them were chinese pop songs, sooooo a lot feelings~~haha~~
While the harmoc ppl having their concert on the stage, me and zhou jing had our mini concert at our seats! LOL!! Haha, we just could not help singing along with the familiar tune.
Music is really a universal language, a lot of non-chinese songs they played, me and zhou jing could find the chinese version~~~hahahaha~~~ like 梁静茹's 小手拉大手,张信哲's 从开始到现在,and the Disney cartoon 风中奇缘(Pocahontas)'s theme song 风之彩(colours of wind) by 辛晓琪......
Well done my harmonica friends, I enjoyed the concert very much~~~=)))
30.5.099:13 PM
Hug the nature~~~=)))
Went to support Yokie and Shi Qi for some award ceremony in Republic Poly with Yang lu and Zhou jing. The ceremony starts at 4:30, but we reach at 2:30~~~ Dame enthu and supportive lah~~~ muhahahaha!!! XPPP
Zhou jing suggested to go walk around the park beside RP, so 3 of us started our journy back to the nature!!! Woohoo~~~ I must say it was really pleasant to hide inside the forest in such a hot and sunny day, however, nth is perfect, we gonna kissed by the mosquitoes~~~~5555~~~=///
Here are the photos!!! =)))
Me and Yang Lu, under the HOT sun~~~

me, lu and jing~~~<333>
Beautiful pond~~~~=)))

Life is a road tt I wanna keep going~~~=))

Drama time~~~XDDD

The bridge~~~

路~~~希望在拐角~~~=)))

Some random fruit on the tree~~~ I guess it was the one tt the snow white ate~~~LOL!!! XDDD

LOL!!! Funny de lor~~~

With Yokie and Shi Qi!! It was actually the 2nd time for 3 of us to attend their award ceremony, the first time was in last year. Can see the scale become larger and larger. Met Qinni, Angeline, Chee Yang and some other gefang members there, really long time no see liao, soooo sad never take pic with qinni they all~~~=(((

t
On the way back to Woolands MRT~~~

Having fun in the MRT station~~~LOL!!! hahahaha!!! XPPPP